TOXIC VS. EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PARTNERS IN RELATIONSHIPS - MEGAN THOMA

Do you find yourself questioning if you are dating a toxic boyfriend? Or maybe why you seem to be attracted to men that are controlling or leave you wanting more out of the relationship. Our guest, Megan Thoma found herself in that same situation and decided she was done dating toxic or emotionally unavailable men.

Megan Thoma is a certified Master Coach who specializes in empowering women to break the cycle of toxic relationships. She focuses on helping people create deep, emotionally connecting partners so that they can truly have the deep relationships they desire.

Learn more about Megan

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Transcript

Truth Talks – Toxic vs. Emotionally Unavailable Partners in Relationships – Megan Thoma

00:00:12:07 - 00:00:22:19

Hi, I'm Doctor Mitch Harlan and welcome to the Truth Talks podcast. Today's guest is Megan Thoma. Megan, how are you?

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We are going to introduce you to the world. I want to read a little bit of stuff about you so that, our listeners can get a little bit of an idea where we're going. So Megan is a certified master coach, helping women to connect to their authentic power breakup and toxic patterns and intentionally create deeper, more meaningful relationships.

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Megan helps women heal from toxic relationships, and dead end dating so they can be in a healthy relationship with themselves and others. She is passionate about helping women break free from these toxic dating loops and cycles, because that's what almost led her to marry someone very unhealthy for herself. And I can't wait to get into that part.

00:00:57:07 - 00:01:27:09

She almost lost everything her job, friends, family. This is going to be interesting. Everybody needs to pay attention. As an elementary certified master coach, she has studied human behavior for many years. She has worked and studied with behavioral experts, Harvard scientists, and body language expert. Her expertise is in romantic relationships. We're all going to learn a lot today while she works with women who are still trying to navigate ending toxic relationships, she's truly an expert in helping women who have entered these toxic relationships reenter the dating world.

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She has a method and process inside her end toxic dating course. So I can't even wait. I this this stuff excites me. Let's jump into this. Tell me how you got here.

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Well.

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One.

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And I know you work with a lot of women, but a lot of working with women has to be around navigating the male brain, which is, still pretty much a Neanderthal.

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This is why I love bringing people like you on the show, because it really opens up the mind and the idea of what we are actually dealing with.

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So I want to talk about

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a toxic relationship. What does it look like?

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I felt the nerve there. That's why I asked that question. I wanted the nerve. Right? It. It does happen a lot. How long did it take you to realize that? Hey, this is toxic, and I need to be done with this.

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Oof!

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Well, of course I want to know.

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Welcome to men.

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Well, okay. We can't stop there. Why was it a challenge for you?

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Hey, what a great story, though, right? You called it off. Most don't. So now let's get into that. Right. So it's what happens when you don't. Now we get into the toxic relationship.

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Sure. True talk. You mean fucks with your head? Yeah.

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how do you decipher if it's overall toxic and it's not going to work out versus an immediate toxicity where there's just a lot of things going on in a person's life.

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What do.

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have you found yourself becoming desensitized to a lot of stuff? And I'm saying that in a good way. I believe the more desensitized you get to things, the better it is.

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My.

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Problem.

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It does. And how high on your coaching list does that become? Because I believe. I mean, we all not believe this is scientific fact. We're all just skin around chemistry. And if you can't control your chemistry, you're a bomb. That's what that is. So how much of that coaching do you do you rely on triggering the bomb?

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You know, slowing down that chemistry to say, hey, back off. Just saying it's not a big deal as you think it is.

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With clients. With clients. Because we want we want people that are watching this show. Right? There are people out there that they're going through so much stuff. You and I have a ton of experience on this. They're going through a ton of stuff. But the problem is it's not a ton of stuff. You're making it a ton of stuff.

00:14:55:23 - 00:15:09:13

And so we want people to be able to say, hey, where can I go? I need to find a coach that really understands what it is I'm going through, and then can desensitizes to those stimulus that truly aren't that big a deal.

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So. What I would say.

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About.

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That.

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Is that. All of that.

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You know it does. It does. And this is. This is often funny. I'm going to tell you this story just because I think it's fun. I like for people to get humor out of stuff, but had a good had a good friend of mine, he calls me up, he says, he says I actually, you're the last guy I wanted to call, but I knew it was the first call I need to make.

00:17:04:10 - 00:17:20:10

So he calls me up and he says, listen, my wife's having an affair. And I said, woof. And I know him extremely well. Right? And, I said, all right. I said, you want the truth? You want me to empathize with you, what you want and he goes, well, let's start with the truth. I said, well, you're fat, you're bald, and you stop paying attention.

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And you know what her personal trainer is? what about 180 pounds of pure muscle and a good looking dude? Where do you think this was going to go? And he literally said, all right, thank you for that. He hung up the phone. They have the best relationship now because he knew it was him all along. He just needed somebody to say it out loud.

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Now, I know that's the worst coaching call anybody can make, right? I'm the worst joke. Call me. It's going to be the worst coaching call you. I'm the worst personal coach ever, right? Like ever, ever. And yet it's extremely effective. And I'll tell you why. Because people do want the truth, even if it's painful. But here's the secret.

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Who does that truth come from, right? Like when it comes from a place of love and, you know, it's going to hurt. You know, it's going to hurt real bad. As a matter of fact, I it's we do this even in our show. Sometimes I'll leave a show and producer Chad and I will be talking and he'll be like, man, I didn't like that one.

00:18:20:00 - 00:18:33:01

I didn't feel that, you know, it's kind of like, wait a minute, I felt it, you know? And all of a sudden I instead of me going, wow, wait a minute, let me explain my position. The first thing I do is I stop and I think, I know, you know what? I actually probably agree with you on there.

00:18:33:01 - 00:18:53:14

Here's what I here's where I wasn't at, and maybe I didn't show up quite like I needed to. I didn't have my energy I needed to do, but that first sting is there. But then immediately I go to where's my role in your programs? I want to know, how big is that statement? What your role? Are you always looking for somebody else's role?

00:18:53:15 - 00:19:00:17

Are you looking for your role?

00:21:17:16 - 00:21:34:11

I think I think you're dead on. Right. I mean, they, you know the doctor. Ehm. And you know, he does some incredibly great stuff with brain work and where things are processed in the brain. I'm all about the neuroanatomy in the brain, but it is so true. We men are linear. one problem, one answer, one solution. Get out of my way.

00:21:34:11 - 00:21:52:16

Will fix it. And then we're move on to the next. And. But it's what also makes us beautiful, right? Like each one of us kind of need a little bit of the other. And I think that's what really makes a relationship amazing, is you know, there are times when, you know, I do need to start, stop and say, hey, let me feel some emotion a little bit here because it weighs on you, gets heavy at times.

00:21:52:16 - 00:22:14:14

And then I think it's based on past experiences. I think it's based on how you grew up and, and there's so many variables to this. But I was also kind of setting you up just a little bit, because I do think men need to start expressing a little bit of this, like trying to figure some things out for real, because I do find that in a lot of relationships,

00:22:14:14 - 00:22:16:00

men just won't deal with it.

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And there's a lot of incredibly good relationships lost because we just don't deal with it very well. So I'm actually wanting to run this and talk about women, but I also want a lot of our male listeners to be able to listen to this and try and figure something out and hear something that maybe they're not hearing before.

00:22:50:15 - 00:23:00:18

One. On one.

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Podcast.

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But I understand.

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That.

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My clients.

00:24:31:14 - 00:24:54:18

I think you actually nailed it right there. Because that's exactly how I feel about it. And this is the one sentence. So I'm going to recap this for our listeners because I believe this is the golden nugget you must marry or become involved with that person that you expect them to be, and they must be that. And that's hard, right?

00:24:54:18 - 00:25:11:10

Because sometimes we like the, the, the beautiful woman that has all the perfect esthetics on the outside. And we're thinking, and I'll deal with whatever's on the inside later and boom, shit, that was a bomb, right? Or maybe it's the woman who likes the bad boy, right? He's a Harley. But but, maybe truly is a bad boy.

00:25:11:10 - 00:25:21:14

And that wasn't what you were expecting. You nailed it right there. It's like that expectation has to be met before you commit to that next level. You're not going to change people very much.

00:25:28:15 - 00:26:01:01

I think that.

00:26:01:03 - 00:26:01:08

You know, I agree that picking your partner I have this in in some of my stuff is. It's the biggest decision you'll ever make in your life. You've got to pick the right person.

00:26:10:12 - 00:26:36:15

All right, girl, so tell us where people can reach you and and, and just give us a kind of another synopsis of of, why somebody should call you for coaching.

00:26:36:17 - 00:26:44:00

What?

00:26:44:02 - 00:26:51:15

About that.

00:26:51:17 - 00:27:03:18

What?

00:27:06:03 - 00:27:11:15

About.

00:27:11:17 - 00:27:26:04

So.

00:27:26:06 - 00:27:42:10

What?

00:27:42:12 - 00:28:13:13

Are.

00:28:13:15 - 00:28:19:20

Megan, I love it. I want to tell you how much we appreciate you coming on the show. I hope somebody got something from it. I know they did.

00:28:19:20 - 00:28:30:05

And then perhaps maybe you and I need to have a program called the one sentence. Get over your shit with Doctor Mitch. I'm really good at. I'm good at that one sentence, like, just shut up and move on.

00:28:30:06 - 00:28:47:02

I mean, that's the easiest way you're going to get this shit taken care of. But, I appreciate you so much. you know, what we do is important, right? running these stories, doing what you do, it's all real important because world's falling apart right now, and, it they need help. They need a lot of help.

00:28:47:02 - 00:28:57:20

So thank you again for what you do. Thanks for coming on our show. And, I hope somebody takes you up on it and, gets healthy.

00:28:57:22 - 00:28:59:08

Absolutely. Thank you so much.